Fear and hope in the midst of my soul
Trying to block out all the sounds as I cover my head with my hands. Trying so hard to hold in my tears as I crawl back under my bed. “BOOM!” another bomb explodes. I never thought that I’d be like one of them. I feel like one of the Syrians that lived in fear knowing that they could die in any moment. Living like a prisoner trapped in my room with nowhere else to go. If only the world could’ve predicted that this would happen.
I could hear the screams from my mother as she crawls deeper under her bed across from me. “Why did this have to happen?” I thought as more tears struggled to escape my eyes. “I don’t want to die like this! I don’t want to die knowing that my mother is living in fear! Please! Somebody help us!” I tried to scream but all that could escape from my mouth was the wailing of my fear.
It’s quiet. No more sounds. No more bombs. No more loud screams of fear. “We’re safe”, I breathed out standing up out of my position from under my bed. “Mother, you can come out now!” I said as I held out my hand for her to take. Mother stands up looking so frail as if she could collapse in any second. I put my arms around her as if my life depended on it… “She never looked like this”, I thought in my head. “She was so full of light and hope back then…” I sighed making my mother snap her head up and look at me with confusion, but didn’t say anything as if she understood what I meant.
See, before the British government flaunted, mother would dance around while dusting the house looking ever so lively with a smile plastered on her face every single day while waiting for father to come back from work. Wearing vintage dresses that used to be grandmothers’ and cooking dinner every single night without fail. But now, every single day for the past year, both of us have been hiding under our beds out of fear of dying. Mother doesn’t wait for father to come home anymore and instead, she cries herself to sleep remembering father, who is now a long distant memory.
I’ve always wanted to change the state we were living in. After all these years of living in fear in a small house surrounded by skyrocketing skyscrapers in the midst of the city, I just wanted to be like a sunflower in the middle of a scarce field. Hoping to stand out and give hope to the world that one day, there’d be an end. An end to all the fear and doubt we all have buried in our souls but just like that, a start for all the hope and courage we all have buried deep within our souls to break free so we could end the war, all the killing done by the monsters who have no shame. No shame in killing innocent lives that were once the reason for the happiness that illuminated from this world. But just like many say “When you want to change the world, you have to change yourself first”. “So please, please tell me. How can I change and save the world, when I can’t even save myself?”
I walked slowly to the window, scared to make a slight sound that could trigger another angry bomb, though I knew no one could hear it from outside. I peeked outside through the curtains to see what the aftermath would look like. Though I couldn’t see much since the buildings were blocking my view of the city, I could see ashes coming down from the sky like rain and smoke blinding my sight.
“Oh how I wish we could turn back time and make it all right” was all that I thought of. Turning my head to look at my mother beside me and I saw something that I never thought would be visible after all the conflict in our lives was a look of hope, and knowing that she had it too now, was hopefully the start of my journey to stop all conflict and doubt in this world, and finally live a life with no fear.